Dedication thoughts

Here are my thoughts on a dedication for the girls:

Brandon and I belong to Christ Community Church.  We have been transplanted and rooted into this body. Its members are our family, our companions, our confidants, our support, and our help in times of trouble. They rejoice with us. They hold us when we cry. They pray for us. They provide hospitality in their homes, offices, and hearts. 

As we bring our children before God and our biological families to seek God's blessing on their lives, we also ask for the great privilege of grafting them into the living body of Christ; our body; our church. The church has joyfully joined us in anticipating, welcoming, and celebrating our children. We now ask them to join us in dedicating Zadie and Hazel to God, in blessing their lives, and in vowing to love and nurture them within the body as they faithfully have done for us. 

Zadie's name is a derivative of Sarah, which means princess. We chose it because we liked the name, but I think its meaning also dovetails with Zadie's character. A true princess is born into a royal heritage that comes with both privilege and responsibility. As a leader and political figure, a princess must be strong and upright, intelligent and wise. She must also be gracious and gentle without being weak. She must use her power and influence to care for her subjects and kingdom, yet she is herself still subject to the influence, care, and leadership of the king and queen.  Zadie is independent and possesses a strong will and conscience. She is kind-hearted and generous, affectionate and thoughtful. I desire to see her grow into the fullness of her name. It is my goal to nurture her leadership qualities while also cultivating humility, wisdom, and generosity. 

Hazel's name is also just a name we liked. It means the Hazel tree, which, to me, symbolizes life; growth; one who is rooted in the earth and reaches toward heaven; one who provides shelter and bears fruit in season. Hazel is also derived from the Hebrew name Haziel, which means "God Sees" or "Prophecy of God."

Waiting for Hazel

Waiting for Hazel

Before you ever were,

I was 

Waiting for you;

For the right time to plant

The seed of a hazel tree. 

Through a long and stormy winter,

Holding hope close,

I waited

For the first stirring of spring. 

At last

Warm winds blew,

Sun thawed frozen earth,

And I scooped out a hole in my heart

For you. 

We planted you there,

Safe and surrounded

In the dark. 

You began to grow,

Sending out a shoot and a root,

Transforming from hope to new life

Within me. 

I held you close;

Gave you water and nutrients 

To feed your wondrous growth. 

As you stirred within me,

I knew love and mystery;

Life within life. 

Your roots pressed into

The walls of my heart,

Digging deep and holding fast. 

Your tender shoot

Reached for light,

Pressing toward the surface 

Of the soil. 

Patiently I waited for the day

When time would complete 

Your germination,

And at last

I could meet you

Under the sun. 

Eager as I was,

I stilled my hands

And did not dig to find you.

I knew you were coming

In your own time. 

I waited and waited

In the sun and rain,

Blown by the wind,

Pacing beneath the moon,

Singing in the night,

Sitting, standing; lying. 

I put my ear to the ground to listen

For you. 

I pressed the earth with my hands

To feel you move. 

Every day

I looked for a sign

That you were coming. 

You did not come. 

Days passed, then weeks. 

Where were you?

I longed for you. 

I watered the ground with tears. 

I pulled and pushed my body,

Emptying myself to make room 

For you. 

The window of time was closing,

And you had not come.

What could I do?

I lie, listening to the rain,

Waiting for the shoot

Of a hazel tree

To emerge. 

Day One out of Egypt

Day One out of Egypt

I am nine months pregnant in a silent house.  The only sounds besides the clicking of my fingers on this keyboard are the hum of traffic, the chirp of birds, and Olive, the little black dog, snoring.  It is Monday morning, and my new job begins today.  Right here.  Right now.  I am a stay-at-home-mom.

Where are my children?  I have two.  I just dropped Zadie, the 4-year-old, off at daycare for the day.  Hazel, the unborn, is still cocooned in my belly, waiting to arrive.  She is due to be born tomorrow, but who knows?  Babies don't have calendars or clocks.  Her timing is her own, and I am waiting for her.  While I wait, I relish the silence of this house, the freedom of my solitude, and the gift of my new role.

My heart has been at home for a long time.  I have fingers that itch to tidy and arrange my home; to sweep a paint brush across the neglected walls; to finally cut the trim board that will fill the empty space near my bathroom floor.  I want to wash the dishes in my sunny kitchen instead of leaving them piled for days.  I want to fill my house with cooking smells and present my family with delicious, thoughtful meals instead of the frazzled hodge-podge I usually come up with.  I want to give my first and best to this place and the people who share it with me.  Finally my chance has come.  I am terrified.

What does day one of freedom look like?  I think of the nation of Israel and their story of deliverance from slavery in Egypt.  Oppressed and trapped, they cried out for God to rescue them from their misery.  God heard them and sent Moses to lead Israel to freedom.  Joyful and triumphant, they victoriously entered the unknown.  No more slavery.  New life.  God was with them, moving before them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.  Great miracles occurred to reinforce Israel's faith in God and Moses.  The Red Sea waters parted to let the people cross on dry ground, then surged forth to crush the enemies that were giving chase.  God provided water and food to sustain his people as they traveled through the wilderness.   Finally, God led them to a holy mountain where he could give their leader, Moses, his ten commandments and laws to teach the people how to live in peace with God and each other.  At every step God was with them, leading, reassuring, providing, and sustaining.  What could possibly go wrong?

Fear crept in.  Whispers, doubts, and rumors turned into a clamorous rebellion.  Fear of the unknown, fear of the mysterious, fear that the good things might not be the best things, fear of being in a rut, fear of never arriving at a final destination...fear grew.  It grew so big and loud that the people rebelled and cried out for a golden calf: something tangible that they could control and worship instead of the great and mysterious God who had delivered them; something safer than faith and easier than waiting. 

God was so angry about the rebellion that he at first considered just wiping out the whole nation.  Moses interceded for the people, however, and God changed his mind.  Even after the golden calf debacle, God still chose to lead the Israelites to the promised land, but he refused to be with them in person anymore lest he get angry again and destroy them all on the journey.

When they finally reached the border of the promised land, God commanded Moses to send twelve spies to scout out the land and its inhabitants.  Two of the spies returned with news of bounty and goodness in the new land.  The other ten, however, filled the people with fear by spreading rumors of a land filled with fierce giants who would destroy them.  The voices of fear drowned out the words of promise and hope, and instead of trusting in God's faithfulness to his promises, Israel gave in to despair and plotted to overthrow Moses, choose a new leader, and return to Egypt.  Fear birthed a panic that shattered Israel's path to the promised land.

God was so angry by this final act of faithlessness that he again wanted to wipe out the whole nation.  However, Moses interceded for them as he had before and convinced God to let them live.  God disciplined his faithless children by sending them to walk in pointless circles in the wilderness until the whole generation of fearful, selfish adults had died out.  After the unfaithful generation had passed away, God led the next generation of Israelites back to the border to give them a new chance to claim the promised land.  The second time, lead by Joshua, one of the faithful spies who had brought a message of goodness and bounty to the people all of those years ago, the younger generation found enough courage to trust God and enter the promised land at last.

This is my first day out of Egypt.  I know God is with me.  I can see him behind me in the history of my life.  I can feel him with me in the pressure of my friends' hands as they pray over me.  I can glimpse him going before me in a shimmering cloud of promise and hope, beauty and goodness.  As I make tracks away from Egypt, as I follow a mysterious God into the unknown, as I leave a life of slavery to walk toward a life of promise, may I be one of the faithful.  May I keep looking toward the holy mountain when I really feel like making a golden calf.  May I speak words of trust and hope.  May my eyes see the milk and honey instead of the giants.  Above all else, when the time comes to enter the promised land, may I have the courage to take a deep breath and go. 

Growing Up

Growing up

By: Joy Ortiz

I was an acorn

Shaken and fallen,

Buried and alone,

Cold in the darkness

Underground. 

My shell was hard. 

At my heart

Lay a bitter kernel,

Small and green,

Shielded and rough-capped,

Yet alive. 

I remembered the sun;

The rustle of my parent's leaves;

The songs of birds;

The view from high boughs

Before I fell. 

As I lay in the dark,

Entombed by earth,

I wept for the loss

Of light and life. 

Was there anything left for me

Besides death?

Yet something unseen

Hovered above my cold bed. 

The world I had left

Was over me still

Beyond the dirt. 

How long did I lie

In the unchanging ground

Shivering in fear and doubt?

All the world was silent. 

But time passed; the season changed.

The soil around me grew warm,

And at last I knew

The sun still shone somewhere. 

When the earth became damp

And water bathed me,

I remembered April storms

And the beauty of falling rain. 

When neighbor roots

Pushed down around me,

I recalled the verdant grass

Spreading beneath my parents' tree.

They reminded me

That black earth is no tomb

But life for many

Who draw their strength

From deep roots. 

Something stirred above me,

Curious and penetrating. 

It was a red ant

Tunneling downward. 

 

He made his bed in the depths,

Safe from hungry foes,

And daily trekked from soil to sun

And back again. 

His presence told me

Dark solitude is not death

But safety and refuge 

For those who make perilous journeys

And need a place to rest. 

Hope rose in my acorn heart. 

Through a shell softened by rain, soil, and time,

I reached,

Sending the palest shoot upward,

And downward,

A tiny root.  

Through the warm earth I climbed

Upward and downward

Past the ants and neighbor roots,

Toward life above and below. 

No longer a resident of one world

But two,

I emerged again into the sun,

Transfigured from acorn to oak. 

Slow-growing yet sure,

I reach toward heaven. 

Rooted in the death that remade me,

I am growing up. 

Pizza and Breadsticks

I tried to get McDonald's breakfast this morning, and my debit card was declined. Twice. I thought it was weird, so I checked my bank app, and sure enough, I still had plenty of money in my account, yet my card had been declined. 

Brandon said maybe the bank had frozen my card since I had used it to make a Target purchase around the time when their accounts were hacked.  That was our best theory. I tried calling the bank after lunch, but they were already closed for New Years. 

Hoping the card issue was a fluke, I took Zadie to Little Caeser's to pick up a pizza and breadsticks for dinner. I told the guy at the counter, "Try running my card before you get my order ready. It didn't go through at McDonald's this morning, and I'm not sure it it will work." He tried it, and sure enough, it was declined again. 

"Did you use your credit card at Target recently?" the guy asked me.

"Yes," I replied. 

"They probably froze your card. The same thing just happened to my brother. Here ya go. Your pizza is on me."  He pulled a cheese pizza out of the case and set it on the counter before me. 

"What else was she ordering?" asked the lady in line behind me.  "Breadsticks?  I'll take care of it. Happy New Year!"

I was astonished. "You guys don't have to do that!" I exclaimed. 

"I'm feeling generous," said the pizza guy. 

"My step-brother used my name to rack up a $400 utility bill one time," said the lady.  "I know how it feels to have your identity stolen.  This is my Christmas.  I have three kids." She gave Zadie a quarter to play the pinball machine. 

I was overwhelmed.  "Well, thank you guys!  God bless!" 

As Zadie and I walked to the car with our free pizza and breadsticks, I told her, "We have to never ever forget this. We have to always remember the kind people who gave us pizza when we didn't have any money."

When we sat down to eat, we bowed our heads to pray. Zadie prayed for the people who had their money stolen by the robbers at Target. We asked God to bless the food and the people who had given it to us. We ate that gift of a pizza with full hearts.

 I am still not sure why my card was declined today or if I was even a victim of the Target credit card fiasco.  All in know is that I was hungry, and kind people chose to love me and give me food. My heart is bigger today, and I will be keeping my eyes open for my next chance to pay it forward. :0)

Make Me New

Renew my mind that's sick and small. 

Refresh my heart that's sad and dry. 

Lift my heavy eyes today. 

Make me new. Make me new. 

Return the color to my world. 

Strengthen weary hands and arms. 

Lift this weight off of my soul. 

Give me grace for my shortcomings. 

Help me grow and overcome. 

Make an ending to my mourning. 

Comfort pain that aches for home. 

Bring me hope that carries burdens. 

Give me joy that clears my skies. 

May patience pave my paths with peace. 

Give me faith to breathe and stay. 

I am crumpled, small, and tired. 

I am lying in your hand. 

Smooth me out and make me lovely. 

Write a story on my face. 

May all who see me know your goodness;

All who hear me feel your love. 

This day is yours to recreate me. 

Here I am. Come; make me new. 

We Lie Side By Side

You're curled up in the dark
Breathing soft and slow.
Your warm and quiet presence
Is a mystery even now.

How many years did I sleep alone?
Now I never do.
You chased me down and caught me up.
You made me your bride.

My blanket is heavy and white.
Yours is thin and quilted dark.
We lie side by side,
Two silent pea pods.

What would we ever do with silence?
Your ugly fan keeps it away.
I've grown used to the whirring.
It is part of me, like you.

How many nights have I laid down
Taking you for granted?
Your quiet presence
Chases loneliness away.

Thank you.