Ungrateful Child

Ungrateful Child

By: Joy Ortiz

I am a child

Filled with every kind of

Selfishness,

Pining after

What I think I deserve. 

I'm throwing tantrums for 

All the presents

I demanded

And didn't receive;

Kicking and screaming; and 

Refusing to eat

The healthy plateful before me

Because I wanted

Pizza instead of casserole. 

When I got slapped

Accidentally

On the playground,

I held a grudge

And wouldn't play with

That black-haired kid

Anymore

Even though

He was my best friend

Five minutes ago. 

How much

Kid stuff

Is the kid's fault?

How much

Is just growing pains?

Must I

Wail and flail

To grow?

How long

Will I cry 

Over gifts ungiven

While ignoring

The heaps of toys

Covering my own

Bedroom floor?

How many times

Will I glare

And stamp my feet,

Folding my arms across my chest,

Disdaining

My Father?

Can I grow up faster?

I am tired of being 

An ungrateful child. 

I Did. I Do.

I Did. I Do. 

By: Joy Ortiz

I trusted you. 

I trust you. 

I followed you. 

I follow you. 

I loved you

More than anything. 

I love you

More than anything. 

You led me. 

You lead me. 

It wasn't easy. 

It's not easy. 

You were the best thing 

I could find. 

Now I'm surrounded

By shiny, new options. 

Tell me

You are still

The best thing. 

Tell me again

That you will never let me go. 

Comfort

My aching heart. 

Quiet

My fearful mind. 

Satisfy

My deepest longing. 

You were my path. 

You are my path. 

You were my life. 

You are my life. 

I loved you. 

I love you. 

Watch and Pray

Watch and Pray

By: Joy Ortiz

She was watching tv

Zoning out

Not noticing

As she absently jabbed

A wooden drum stick

Into her stuffed animal's

Bottom. 

We saw her. 

"Hey!  What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Well, don't put that there. 

It's weird."

My daughter. 

She is five. 

It could be nothing. 

God, I hope

It's nothing. 

I am gripped by icy chills. 

My thoughts race,

Scanning, analyzing

Everyone who fills her life. 

Could it be?

Has someone

Touched her?

Oh my God. 

She never stopped

Watching tv. 

She laid the toy aside. 

Calm. 

Normal. 

This fear,

Is it 

Paranoia?

Or a mother's intuition?

Was it a sign,

Or just

An absent-minded, 

Innocent

Coincidence?

I am her mother. 

What can I do?

Watch and pray. 

You Float Me

You Float Me

By: Joy Ortiz

You float me

On my back

In endless waters,

And I lie,

Ears and eyes submerged,

Facing heaven. 

I spread my arms wide,

Inhaling and exhaling

You. 

My feet dangle

From loose legs,

Relaxed and weightless

Beneath the surface.

You are there,

My center,

My breath,

My life. 

When my arms are tired

Of endless swimming

And my eyes,

Blinded by brine,

Cannot see the shore, 

You fill my lungs.

I cease my struggle. 

I lie down. 

Without you,

I'm drowning,

Pulled under by it all. 

I could panic. 

I could swim for my life

North, west, east, or South,

Guided by the brightest star. 

I could kick and scream. 

I could fight the waves. 

You quiet me. 

In stillness I find you

Within me. 

I am a child,

Weak and small,

With no strength

To traverse this ocean,

Yet I am saved.

You keep me from sinking

As the tides travel

To an unseen land.

Whither do I go,

And how long

Until I arrive?

Yet I must rest

Or die of exertion,

Swallowed by the sea. 

In this moment

You float me. 

The Man in the Front-Row Seat

The Man in the Front-Row Seat

By: Joy Ortiz

Writer who penned my days,

Maker of the book,

All-seer, All-knower,

The plot thickens. 

Here I crouch,

Mid-scene,

Waiting for my next line. 

You sit back

In your front row seat

With folded arms

And a half-smile. 

You've come to watch me

Perform on this stage

My fan fiction,

My little play,

My take on the masterpiece. 

An amateur,

A child,

A girl,

A woman

I am

Shifting through these scenes,

Guided by a story

Older than dust. 

As my clumsy play unfolds,

You are ever before my eyes. 

Am I doing justice to the book?

Will its author be pleased?

Ah, but a father

Knows no greater joy

Than to watch his growing child

Clump around the stage

In oversized shoes. 

When the curtain falls,

His applause is loudest of all. 

Back in an Hour

Back in an Hour

I saw you

See through me. 

With a cool brush of a kiss,

You swept past,

On your way

Somewhere.  

What held you captive,

What stifled your fire,

What emptied your eyes?

Where was

Your heart?

And how long

Had it been missing

Before I even noticed?

I have seen your eyes 

Warm and bright

But not for me

Today. 

Your lips said,

"I love you."

Maybe you do

When you can, 

But

Not now. 

Not this moment. 

I will find you. 

I will capture your heart.  

I will press against you

Until I melt you

With my fire. 

I will love you

Until your eyes reflect it,

Until your lips can't help

Spilling your soul

To me,

Until you fall into my arms,

Broken and whole. 

I will be your world,

Your refuge,

Your strength,

Your home. 

I am awake. 

I am alive. 

I am yours.