Day One out of Egypt
I am nine months pregnant in a silent house. The only sounds besides the clicking of my fingers on this keyboard are the hum of traffic, the chirp of birds, and Olive, the little black dog, snoring. It is Monday morning, and my new job begins today. Right here. Right now. I am a stay-at-home-mom.
Where are my children? I have two. I just dropped Zadie, the 4-year-old, off at daycare for the day. Hazel, the unborn, is still cocooned in my belly, waiting to arrive. She is due to be born tomorrow, but who knows? Babies don't have calendars or clocks. Her timing is her own, and I am waiting for her. While I wait, I relish the silence of this house, the freedom of my solitude, and the gift of my new role.
My heart has been at home for a long time. I have fingers that itch to tidy and arrange my home; to sweep a paint brush across the neglected walls; to finally cut the trim board that will fill the empty space near my bathroom floor. I want to wash the dishes in my sunny kitchen instead of leaving them piled for days. I want to fill my house with cooking smells and present my family with delicious, thoughtful meals instead of the frazzled hodge-podge I usually come up with. I want to give my first and best to this place and the people who share it with me. Finally my chance has come. I am terrified.
What does day one of freedom look like? I think of the nation of Israel and their story of deliverance from slavery in Egypt. Oppressed and trapped, they cried out for God to rescue them from their misery. God heard them and sent Moses to lead Israel to freedom. Joyful and triumphant, they victoriously entered the unknown. No more slavery. New life. God was with them, moving before them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. Great miracles occurred to reinforce Israel's faith in God and Moses. The Red Sea waters parted to let the people cross on dry ground, then surged forth to crush the enemies that were giving chase. God provided water and food to sustain his people as they traveled through the wilderness. Finally, God led them to a holy mountain where he could give their
leader, Moses, his ten commandments and laws to teach the people how to live in
peace with God and each other. At every step God was with them, leading, reassuring, providing, and sustaining. What could possibly go wrong?
Fear crept in. Whispers, doubts, and rumors turned into a clamorous rebellion. Fear of the unknown, fear of the mysterious, fear that the good things might not be the best things, fear of being in a rut, fear of never arriving at a final destination...fear grew. It grew so big and loud that the people rebelled and cried out for a golden calf: something tangible that they could control and worship instead of the great and mysterious God who had delivered them; something safer than faith and easier than waiting.
God was so angry about the rebellion that he at first considered just wiping out the whole nation. Moses interceded for the people, however, and God changed his mind. Even after the golden calf debacle, God still chose to lead the Israelites to the promised land, but he refused to be with them in person anymore lest he get angry again and destroy them all on the journey.
When they finally reached the border of the promised land, God commanded Moses to send twelve spies to scout out the land and its inhabitants. Two of the spies returned with news of bounty and goodness in the new land. The other ten, however, filled the people with fear by spreading rumors of a land filled with fierce giants who would destroy them. The voices of fear drowned out the words of promise and hope, and instead of trusting in God's faithfulness to his promises, Israel gave in to despair and plotted to overthrow Moses, choose a new leader, and return to Egypt. Fear birthed a panic that shattered Israel's path to the promised land.
God was so angry by this final act of faithlessness that he again wanted to wipe out the whole nation. However, Moses interceded for them as he had before and convinced God to let them live. God disciplined his faithless children by sending them to walk in pointless circles in the wilderness until the whole generation of fearful, selfish adults had died out. After the unfaithful generation had passed away, God led the next generation of Israelites back to the border to give them a new chance to claim the promised land. The second time, lead by Joshua, one of the faithful spies who had brought a message of goodness and bounty to the people all of those years ago, the younger generation found enough courage to trust God and enter the promised land at last.
This is my first day out of Egypt. I know God is with me. I can see him behind me in the history of my life. I can feel him with me in the pressure of my friends' hands as they pray over me. I can glimpse him going before me in a shimmering cloud of promise and hope, beauty and goodness. As I make tracks away from Egypt, as I follow a mysterious God into the unknown, as I leave a life of slavery to walk toward a life of promise, may I be one of the faithful. May I keep looking toward the holy mountain when I really feel like making a golden calf. May I speak words of trust and hope. May my eyes see the milk and honey instead of the giants. Above all else, when the time comes to enter the promised land, may I have the courage to take a deep breath and go.
