As June Draws Near

June is swiftly approaching, and my mind is turning to our house. We had agreed that we would put the house on the market in June. We have not done any work on the house yet this spring, due to busyness or lack of focus (probably both). As June draws near and I think about my goals, duties, present, and future, I feel the immense bulk of the things in my life that I cannot control. There are not enough hours in my day to accomplish all of the work I want to get done. I can only give so much of my time to ambitious projects if I want to spend any quality time with my family every day, and I also cannot sacrifice rest or day-to-day responsibilities. I can only do so much.

With these limitations in mind, I frequently pray for God's will in my life. I know the desires of my heart, and I see the obstacles between where I am and where I want to be. Greater than any of these things, however, is my desire to life the life God intends for me: to do his work; to love the people he has placed in my life; to be a good steward of all he has given me; to live a life of love, peace, generosity, kindness, beauty, and fruitfulness. When I think about these greater goals, my own ambitions don't seem so important. As June draws near, I rest in my Father's hand, content.

Two Months Vegan

It has been about two months since I started a mostly vegan diet. My husband and daughter are not doing it with me, and I am not a strict purist with my own diet. I still choose to not eat meat, and I choose to cook and bake vegan foods at home. If I am a guest or someone brings food to my house, I try to graciously eat what is provided, except for meat. I try to follow my heart and spend my money on products that do not exploit animals, but I also try to respect other people's lifestyle choices and keep an open mind. I do not want to be a burden to my friends and family, but I also do not want to turn a blind eye to the multitude of animals who suffer and die for human consumption. I feel that it is my duty to respect, cherish, and protect the lives of animals whenever I can.

I have not yet discovered a strong need for animal products in my diet. I try to avoid soy (I treat it like junk food), and I use nut-based dairy substitutes for most things. My weight hasn't changed much. I am still within the healthy weight range for my height. I have noticed more blemishes on my face, but that is the only physical difference that has manifested since I made the switch to vegan. My energy level and mood are about the same.

I have really been enjoying all of the new recipes I have been trying. Cooking for a vegan lifestyle has been exciting and challenging for me. I eat less processed foods and cook from scratch more. I also incorporate more fresh fruits and veggies into my diet. Most things I cook have been hits with my family and friends, too. I even fool some of them...they can't believe I can make vegan food that tastes so much like "real" food!

Sometimes it is lonely being a vegan. Food goes hand in hand with social gatherings, and most people consider meat to be an essential part of any meal. It can be scary to be different, and it can hurt to be judged by people I care about. At the end of the day, though, it is worth it to me, because I feel pride in being true to what I believe is right. I am following my heart, and even though it isn't easy, and I'm not always sure that I am right, I know that I am doing my best. I will keep my eyes, mind, and heart open, and see where this thing goes.

Husband Made of Wood

He is the lattice upon which I grow.
I climb him and reach for the sun.
His lines give direction to my wandering tendrils.
He is stable and strong.
I am rooted in earth, but he directs me skyward.
He confines and defines me.
I might trail along the ground,
Wandering and wayward,
Fickle and free without him, but
He lifts me from the dust
To something higher,
To a place I would never reach alone.
He shapes and guides me.
I cling to him and climb toward the skies.

Walk On, Daughter

Walk On, Daughter

My enemy knows me.
Moments of weakness leave me wide open and raw.
He takes his shot.
Again. Again. Again.
Fisting into barely-healed scars,
He circles.
Predatory.
Insidious.
He knows he can't take anything away,
So he slyly badgers me instead,
Trying to trick me into throwing my gifts away;
Trading love for passion,
security for possibility,
And trust for control.
He sees my shaky hands,
And the lies begin their familiar flow,
Washing over me,
Bathing me in clinging, oily doubt.
Maybe I made the wrong decisions.
Maybe I am trapped.
Maybe I need to run away.
Maybe I've been fooling myself all along.
Maybe everything I've ever believed is wrong.
Maybe I'm missing out on the great life I could have if only I was brave enough to leave the one I possess.
Lies. Lies.
But lies frequently spoken can wear down a mountain of faith.
Where can I go for safety and rest?
I flee to a waiting Father.
His voice speaks truth louder than my fears.
He leads me past memorials of faithfulness rewarded.
He exposes the lies.
Shadows retreat from him.
He laughs at my enemy, who has wet himself and fled.
He puts a great arm around me, tender and strong.
"Walk on, daughter. I am enough."
He is.

Waken and Rise

Waken and Rise

Spring winds sweep in
Bringing sunshine and a scattering of seeds.
The earth softens and warms,
Waking the sleepers and coaxing stems into the light.
We stir. We stretch.
We begin to...
Vibrant and green, we break through the crumbled earth.
We fell, and we died, but
We are rising.
We are alive with promise and all the fertile joy of springtime.
Winter recedes into faint memory
As the warmth and sweetness of soil and sun
Erase its traces,
Covering them with a blanket of green. Rejoice, oh seeds and bulbs!
You died, but a new season comes.
We waken and rise.
Spring is here!