A collection of spiritual poetry and essays by Joylyn D. Ortiz exploring how the divine reveals spiritual things through the natural world.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Pizza and Breadsticks
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Make Me New
Sunday, August 4, 2013
We Lie Side By Side
Breathing soft and slow.
Your warm and quiet presence
Is a mystery even now.
How many years did I sleep alone?
Now I never do.
You chased me down and caught me up.
You made me your bride.
My blanket is heavy and white.
Yours is thin and quilted dark.
We lie side by side,
Two silent pea pods.
What would we ever do with silence?
Your ugly fan keeps it away.
I've grown used to the whirring.
It is part of me, like you.
How many nights have I laid down
Taking you for granted?
Your quiet presence
Chases loneliness away.
Thank you.
My Psalm 63
Earnestly I seek you.
Your hands form a mosaic from my broken pieces.
My whole being longs for you,
Because your voice is louder than my fears.
I have seen you in the darkest, dirtiest, most broken places.
Because your love is better than seeking my own path to happiness,
My heart chooses surrender.
I will praise you as long as I live,
And in your name I will sacrifice all of my own ambitions.
I will be fully satisfied as with Ghiradelli chocolate.
Every part of me will praise you.
When I see beauty triumph over brokenness,
I remember you.
I think of you as I get my hands messy.
Because you are my inspiration,
Beauty flows from my hands and lips.
I cleave to you,
Your loving daughter.
Time for Bed
By: Joy Ortiz
Day is done
Silent bed
Darkened house
Heavy head
Blanket warm
Pillow deep
Drooping eyes
Time for sleep
Busy week
Hungry day
Mostly work
Bits of play
Circles run
Pages read
Day is done
Time for bed.
Love, Dream, Hope, Trust
By: Joy Ortiz
Lazy, lagging,
Latent, languid,
Long-awaited
Love.
Dismal, doubtful,
Distant, dragging,
Deeply desired
Dream.
Hushed, heart-breaking,
Hampered, hated,
Hard-to-harbor
Hope.
Twisted, tired,
Tentative, torn,
Timid, tiny
Trust.
Because You Came
By: Joy Ortiz
Sleep is pit stop instead of a refuge.
Morning breaks, promising rather than grey.
Work is rewarding though payment is absent.
We become rich giving money away.
Life is redemption.
Grief becomes peace.
Love meets religion.
Faith becomes deeds.
Kindness reaps healing.
Weakness is power.
Hope never falters.
Grace wins the hour.
You shatter and heal us.
You bang up our pride.
You strip and reveal us.
You won't let us hide.
You douse us with wisdom.
You shake us with grace.
You bend us and stretch us.
You show us your face.
Your mercy is painful.
Your goodness cuts deep.
Your justice points fingers.
Your love makes us weep.
Our pride falls in splinters.
Our shame breaks like ice.
Our fear turns to courage.
Our self, sacrifice.
Our lives become worship.
Our breath becomes praise.
Our words become wisdom.
Our deeds become grace.
Our hearts become holy.
Our minds become pure.
Our eyes become windows.
Our ears become doors.
Our arms become shelter.
Our lips become truth.
Our knees become altars.
Our scars become proof.
I Am; I Will
Heavy-hearted
Weak and tired
Same old battles
How long, oh Lord?
Seeking freedom
Living pain
Breathing questions
Lying down
Hands are empty
Knees are raw
Voice is gone
Eyes are dry
Wait in silence
Hope for peace
Wade through lies
Search for truth
Reach for love
Cry for mercy
Hold to promise
Tie to faith
Work for future
Wait for growth
Trust for answers
Pray for home
Call for Father
Cling to Friend
Reach for Savior
Walk in light
Don't stop loving
Don't give up
Keep on trying
Follow God
Retro post from Dec. 31, 2011: A Bird In the Hand
What makes me afraid? It is when I glimpse the sky through an open window that my cage feels so small. When a sweet breeze blows through the room carrying the fragrance of trees and meadows, my heart longs to be free, to explore the wild world, to see what lies beyond the threshold of my master's door.
I came to my master as an egg. When I was born, my mother and father placed me in his hands. I grew and perched on his fingers. I ate seeds from the palm of his hand. He taught me to sing. It was from his shoulder that I attempted my first flight, more falling than flying. He delighted in me, and I thrived under his care.
When I had grown into my feathers, my master presented me with something new. It was another bird, a male, different from me. I cocked my head as I inspected him. He was handsome and young. His song was sweet. I hopped onto my master's finger, and the boy followed me. Together we ate seeds from the master's hand.
I had grown up in captivity. Though I had seen other birds and even fluttered around my master's house in their company, I had never met one who was the same species as myself. I was a rare hybrid with strange qualities. I had inherited my father's showiness and pride, but it was tempered with my mother's faithfulness to the master's voice. As a result I became a bird who would fly forth in great showy displays, then return to the master's hand. I thought the boy might be the same kind of bird as me. I watched him sing and fly with the other birds as I sang my own song. I met him in the master's hand when we went there to eat seeds and sing for him. I even tried to teach the boy some of my songs. He tried them, but he never grew to love them as I did, so I continued to sing alone. Still we would meet in the master's hand, and there was no other bird whose song sounded as sweet to me as his.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Thoughts on Why I am a Christian
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Raven; Thief
Remember the Plain
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Knowing and Known
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Child of the Riven Oak
By: Joylyn Ortiz
Acorn flung from split-heart tree, you
Burrowed in the humble ground,
Sorrow-watered, winter-covered,
Lonely, till at length you found
Spring dawn bright with wind and warmth.
It stirred your heart and burst your shell.
Green and brave you ventured forth,
Emerged from seed to reach and swell.
The light! The air! The sky above!
You saw and tasted day afresh.
Each new morning made you grow;
A leaf furled, tiny, veined in red.
You looked upon your parents' stump
And mourned the loss of shattered oak.
The limbs and twigs that gave you birth
No more stood tall or green with growth.
But roots lie, still, beneath the ground.
Their stump is virile yet, it seems.
With each new year, fresh shoots may grow.
New life, redemption, hope, and dreams.
Small tree, grow tall and reach toward sky.
Upward, leaves and tender shoots!
Taste the dew and greet the dawn as
Sorrow rains and feeds your roots.
You're not the same as when you fell.
Time transfigures and redeems.
Parent tree, no longer tall,
Left room for light to reach your leaves.
You couldn't prosper in the shade
Of riven tree so tall and broad,
So mercy brought it to the ground
And gave you room to reach for God.
Seasons change and forests fall.
Death gives way to wonders new.
Beauty lies within it all,
And hope lies here, in you.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
As June Draws Near
With these limitations in mind, I frequently pray for God's will in my life. I know the desires of my heart, and I see the obstacles between where I am and where I want to be. Greater than any of these things, however, is my desire to life the life God intends for me: to do his work; to love the people he has placed in my life; to be a good steward of all he has given me; to live a life of love, peace, generosity, kindness, beauty, and fruitfulness. When I think about these greater goals, my own ambitions don't seem so important. As June draws near, I rest in my Father's hand, content.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Two Months Vegan
I have not yet discovered a strong need for animal products in my diet. I try to avoid soy (I treat it like junk food), and I use nut-based dairy substitutes for most things. My weight hasn't changed much. I am still within the healthy weight range for my height. I have noticed more blemishes on my face, but that is the only physical difference that has manifested since I made the switch to vegan. My energy level and mood are about the same.
I have really been enjoying all of the new recipes I have been trying. Cooking for a vegan lifestyle has been exciting and challenging for me. I eat less processed foods and cook from scratch more. I also incorporate more fresh fruits and veggies into my diet. Most things I cook have been hits with my family and friends, too. I even fool some of them...they can't believe I can make vegan food that tastes so much like "real" food!
Sometimes it is lonely being a vegan. Food goes hand in hand with social gatherings, and most people consider meat to be an essential part of any meal. It can be scary to be different, and it can hurt to be judged by people I care about. At the end of the day, though, it is worth it to me, because I feel pride in being true to what I believe is right. I am following my heart, and even though it isn't easy, and I'm not always sure that I am right, I know that I am doing my best. I will keep my eyes, mind, and heart open, and see where this thing goes.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Husband Made of Wood
I climb him and reach for the sun.
His lines give direction to my wandering tendrils.
He is stable and strong.
I am rooted in earth, but he directs me skyward.
He confines and defines me.
I might trail along the ground,
Wandering and wayward,
Fickle and free without him, but
He lifts me from the dust
To something higher,
To a place I would never reach alone.
He shapes and guides me.
I cling to him and climb toward the skies.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Walk On, Daughter
My enemy knows me.
Moments of weakness leave me wide open and raw.
He takes his shot.
Again. Again. Again.
Fisting into barely-healed scars,
He circles.
Predatory.
Insidious.
He knows he can't take anything away,
So he slyly badgers me instead,
Trying to trick me into throwing my gifts away;
Trading love for passion,
security for possibility,
And trust for control.
He sees my shaky hands,
And the lies begin their familiar flow,
Washing over me,
Bathing me in clinging, oily doubt.
Maybe I made the wrong decisions.
Maybe I am trapped.
Maybe I need to run away.
Maybe I've been fooling myself all along.
Maybe everything I've ever believed is wrong.
Maybe I'm missing out on the great life I could have if only I was brave enough to leave the one I possess.
Lies. Lies.
But lies frequently spoken can wear down a mountain of faith.
Where can I go for safety and rest?
I flee to a waiting Father.
His voice speaks truth louder than my fears.
He leads me past memorials of faithfulness rewarded.
He exposes the lies.
Shadows retreat from him.
He laughs at my enemy, who has wet himself and fled.
He puts a great arm around me, tender and strong.
"Walk on, daughter. I am enough."
He is.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Waken and Rise
Spring winds sweep in
Bringing sunshine and a scattering of seeds.
The earth softens and warms,
Waking the sleepers and coaxing stems into the light.
We stir. We stretch.
We begin to...
Vibrant and green, we break through the crumbled earth.
We fell, and we died, but
We are rising.
We are alive with promise and all the fertile joy of springtime.
Winter recedes into faint memory
As the warmth and sweetness of soil and sun
Erase its traces,
Covering them with a blanket of green. Rejoice, oh seeds and bulbs!
You died, but a new season comes.
We waken and rise.
Spring is here!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
A Prayer for the Brokenhearted and Depressed
Have mercy on the brokenhearted, oh God.
To those wandering in the dark maze of depression,
Shine a guiding light to safety.
Silence the lies that fill their minds, and Replace them with words of truth and love.
Break down their idols of ambition and perfection.
Lift their eyes to you.
Deliver them from blindness.
Heal their brokenness.
Forgive them for their sins, and
Give them grace to forgive themselves. Raise them up from the clutches of death. Show them the promise of new life in you. Give them courage to face the pain of life. Enable them to see beauty in the midst of brokenness.
Surround them with voices of love and truth.
Do not leave them alone.
Have mercy on your children, oh God. Save them with your mighty hand.
Shelter and sustain them in your love. May they be reborn in you.
May they rise up in your strength.
May they love with your love.
May they live in humility, laying down their dreams and ambitions before your goodness.
Make them new, oh God.
Come and save your children.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Pain the Earth
Pain the earth;
Hope the seeds;
Death the winter;
Sorrow; grief.
Snow the searching;
Ice the hate;
Sleet the trudging,
Lonely wait.
Rain the wisdom;
Love the sun;
Faith the sprouting;
Winter: done.
Joy the growing;
Peace the shoots;
Goodness budding;
Courage: roots.
Change the seasons;
Life the field;
God the grower;
We the yield.
Grace the flowers;
Mercy: fruit;
Love the harvest;
All things: new.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Day is Done
Silent bed
Darkened house
Heavy head
Blanket warm
Pillow deep
Drooping eyes
Time for sleep
Busy week
Hungry day
Mostly work
Bits of play
Circles run
Pages read
Day is done
Time for bed.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Thank You, Husband
You're curled up in the dark
Breathing soft and slow.
Your warm and quiet presence
Is a mystery even now.
How many years did I sleep alone?
Now I never do.
You chased me down and caught me up. You made me your bride.
My blanket is heavy and white.
Yours is thin and quilted dark.
We lie side by side,
Two silent pea pods.
What would we ever do with silence?
Your ugly fan keeps it away.
I've grown used to the whirring.
It is part of me, like you.
How many nights have I laid down
Taking you for granted?
Your quiet presence
Chases loneliness away.
Thank you.
Fickle Heart
Oh fickle, unknowable heart,
How long have I lived with you,
Yet a stranger you are.
Yes, stranger and stranger
With depths and twisted chasms.
Puzzle maze chambers
Lead me, a wanderer,
Through the mystery
Of your aching inconsistency.
You rise and fall
Lurching, unsteady,
Dropping me from
Feet to knees to face
As I seek to know you.
Baffling heart
Puzzle pathway
Leading me from
Childhood to maturity.
With uncertain steps,
I journey on.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Peeing in the Rain
I would mutter at them with lowered brows as I shuffled through my house in the dark. Shivering and huddled by the back door, I would watch for the errant, stupid dogs to run around the back of the house, do their business, then get back inside, so I could return to my warm bed.
Today was different.
When I heard a dog whine at 2:19 am today, my heart was glad. Why? Because it was raining outside.
My dogs were both adopted strays. One of the biggest challenges we faced in welcoming them into our family was training them to go potty outside. In the beginning they had absolutely no grasp of this concept. They ruined all of my carpets, and I despaired. Every day brought multiple new accidents, and my husband and I struggled to teach our two adult mutts that it isn't okay to pee in the house.
Our black miniature pincher mix, Olive, caught on first. She was eager to please and sensitive to scolding, so it wasn't too hard to teach her that she shouldn't go potty in the house. Putting the dogs in a crate at night prevented most of the problem, because they wouldn't pee in their own bed. They learned that it was possible to wait until we let them out. Crate training finished off Olive's education, and she rarely had accidents in the house anymore.
Ziggy was much more difficult. His laid-back personality made scolding roll off of him like water off of a duck. He was indifferent to treats and praise, and he would stand at the back door and look up at us from outside the glass with a questioning gaze.
"Why did you make me come out here? I won't have to pee for another 10 minutes, and it's much nicer inside. Let me back in, please." Again, I despaired.
We discovered by accident that Ziggy will always go pee outside if you put him on a leash and take him for a walk. He gets so excited about the new smells and bushes that he does his business naturally. We began taking him for short walks to go potty, praising him every time he anointed a bush or telephone pole, and he slowly started to make the connection. Soon he would let us know that he had to go potty and wanted to go outside. Progress.
Unless it was raining.
If it was raining, Ziggy refused to leave the door. He would ask to go out, realize it was raining, then turn right back around and scratch to come back inside. Being rained on made him so miserable that he refused to walk out into the yard, smell anything, or do his business.
I grabbed an umbrella, put his leash on, and took him down the block. Sure enough, he found a telephone pole and peed. Success, but imperfect. I wanted him to figure out that he could walk out the door into our yard, find a place, and pee, even if it was raining.
The next time it rained, I stood outside the door with him. "You can do it!" I cried. "See? It's raining on me, too. We're fine. Just go pee!" His pitiful face looked up into mine as he scratched on the door.
"Please, Mom. This is awful. Can we please just go back inside?"
"No! You can do it! Let's go find a bush."
I picked him up and carried him into the yard, set him down, and it worked! He smelled the bush and obediently lifted his leg. "Good boy! Let's go in!" We ran through the rain together, triumphant.
This became our routine every time it rained. Pleading, scratching at the door, he would wallow in misery until I picked him up and carried him to a place where he felt comfortable enough to achieve success. We would face the rain together. When he overcame his misery, I would cheer for him, rub his smelly wet-dog ears, and tell him what a good boy he was.
Finally, after many trips back and forth to the door to beg to come in out of the rain, Ziggy ran into the yard by himself. I followed him and peeked around the corner of the house, and sure enough, he was doing his business. "Good boy!" I cried. "Such a good, good boy!" He met my eyes, and I was so joyful and proud in that moment. Finally he had overcome his hatred of the rain and learned to go potty outside by himself.
So when the dogs whined and woke me up to go out this morning, I was joyful. This moment was the fruit of patience, frustration, persistence, and love. It was success after despair. As I shivered and watched my dogs peeing in the rain, I was overwhelmed with pride. When they were done and came back inside, I wiped their muddy feet, gave them treats, and put them back to bed.
"Good dogs! Good, good dogs."
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Morning prayer after a night of dreams
Who placed in me this mind and heart, Purify and refine me.
Fill me with love, courage, and kindness. Be my all.
Still my grasping hands.
Quiet my clamoring brain.
May I rest in your provision.
May I delight in your many gifts.
May my life reflect beauty and serenity. May my actions mirror your heart.
Teach me to love as you love.
Heal my brokenness.
Help me to stand upright, unashamed. Thank you for my life.
I love you.
<3
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Parenting: a reflection of the Father's heart
Our Father creates us and loves us from the moment of our conception. We are born into a world of choices. He provides us with everything we need to succeed, but he also gives us free will. He watches, loving us with Father-love, as we live our own lives.
Does his heart leap with joy like mine does when my daughter wraps her arms around me and says, "I love you, Mama,"?
Does his pulse race; does he break into sweat when He watches me fall, knowing how much I might be hurt?
Is it as hard for him as it is for me to watch his child willfully disobey the rules meant to keep her safe?
Does his heart break when I cry?
Is holding me one of the greatest feelings he has ever experienced?
I think God allows us to be parents so we can know, from first hand experience, what it means to deeply love and nurture a free-will person the way he does each of us. Our pain and joy as parents directly reflect the heart of our Father. What a beautiful, difficult, overwhelming gift it is to be a parent!